Mending a Marriage (31 Days of Healing in Him)

"Chains have a way of making you forget the One you serve."

Pure Eyes, Clean Heart, Jen Ferguson

I never thought marriage would be easy. But I don't think I could have guessed just how hard it would be.

My husband and I have both battled a tangle of chains that threatened to keep us tethered to pasts we wished to be free from. Disabling shame that kept sin and pain hidden deep inside and yet, became the source of fiery daggers of defense and frustration.

Nothing grows in that darkness. Healing cannot come to what is buried.

There are sins we cannot hide well — the scent of alcohol, the overdrawn account, the weight of overindulgence. We wear these secrets out into the world. We may pretend, but people know.

But sexual sin lurks behind closed doors. It hides well in the comfort of home, where it can wreak silent havoc without ever having to face the light of day.

It's why stories of childhood sexual abuse stay dormant for years. It's why marriage beds are wrought with comparison and dissatisfaction. It's why pornography can invade and ravage in secrecy.

It doesn't have to be this way. We could speak away the shame. Because we are not the only ones who have struggled.

"We feel alone because very few are willing to stand up and say among people that we know that it is an issue in our homes."

Pure Eyes, Clean Heart, Ferguson

Pornography steals security, trust, and satisfaction from marriage. And replaces reality with a fantasy no one can compete with.

But pornography is a symptom of something much deeper. A longing, a God-shaped hole that cannot be filled not matter what we stuff into it.

If your marriage has suffered from the pain of silent sin, there is hope. A relationship burdened with tangled chains can be healed. It takes honesty and a commitment to deal with the issues head-on.

And you need help! These battles aren't meant to be waged alone.

My friend, Jen Ferguson and her husband, Craig, have written a book called Pure Eyes, Clean Heart: A Couple's Journey to Freedom from Pornography. "Jen and Craig intertwine their personal journeys of healing and offer biblical insight to help you deal with the shame, anger, and insecurity created by porn addiction, recognize lies that both addict and spouse tend to believe, and restore lost respect."

I celebrate their courage in writing this book — a bold step to acknowledging pornography as an insidious issue that impacts our marriages, our children, our families, and a loving act to give hope and to encourage others that they no longer need to struggle in silence.

This is a post from my 31 days of Healing in Him series. You can find all the posts in this series here, updated each day in October. Category: Inspirational & Faith #write31Days