My Five Minute Friday on: TrueFor most of my life I've held it in. Kept it close. Guarded and fiercely protected. Like somehow I knew if I let people see it, hear it, they wouldn't like it. And that mattered back then. What am I saying? It matters even now, although I wish it didn't.
So unsure of myself and memories that haunted. I didn't know how to share those parts of me. So they laid there, just under the surface, peeking out every now and then, hoping no one saw them. Or maybe hoping someone would?
It wasn't until my husband and I were hanging on by a thread with each other that things started to really change. That thread being held by the One would would sew us back together. And I began to see who I was, or perhaps who I was really meant to be.
With abandon I embraced authenticity. Once I started being vulnerable with people it was like I couldn't keep things in anymore. I lived this way for years, sharing and sharing and sharing in the name of being real with people. And it was hard, but it also felt good.
Then, my mother-in-law died of cancer and a close friendship started to fall apart. It was in this painful place that I began to see some things differently. It was like I woke up from a fairytale dream and I suddenly felt very exposed.
I had no filter. In the name of "being real" I shared a lot of me. But I didn't have a line, a stopping place. People got all of me or else it felt like I wasn't being honest. And I realized this wasn't healthy for me or my marriage or my relationships.
There's so much more to say about this, but I ran out of my five minutes. To be continued…
Linking today with Lisa-Jo…
15 comments:
Stopping over from 5-minute Friday. I relate to the story you've started to tell. We all have so many layers it's hard to start peeling them away and then, sometimes, hard to stop or to know if we should stop and what craziness we can create for ourselves. Keep searching for the balance. Some days it will be more clear than others. Thanks for your "true" post.
Ah yes. Finding the balance. I completely understand where you're coming from. Having been raised that we kept things from people, I went the opposite way and was an open book. Then, like you, some things happened and well, I was confused.
I'm still looking for the perfect balance. I hope you have found it or are on your way to finding it too!
Here from FMF. http://maryhess.com/five-minute-friday-true/
Oh, sweet Christy! Life is such a struggle isn't it? I loved the analogy of the thread and how God would use it to sew your marriage back together. To go along with that, your tapestry is still a work in progress. And every part of it is important to the whole. You might feel like you have over shared, but God can take even that and make it a beautiful part of your story.
So, keep being true and keep being vulnerable and trust our great God to complete his beautiful masterpiece in YOU!
I can totally relate to what you are saying here. For me, it has also been a journey of trying to find the right balance with how much to share and what not to share with others. As I have grown in my faith I have found that God gives so much wisdom in his word, especially in Proverbs, and it is that wisdom that I gradually learn to apply in my own life. What is foolish? What is wise? The book of Proverbs is a tremendous help to grow in these areas and to answer those questions in our minds.
Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments! I'm so thankful to hear that many of you have struggled in the same way. I have not figured it out yet, but balance is clearly the key word. And I appreciate your sweet encouragements as I try to figure out what this looks like in my life.
Sincerely, Christy
That's a tough question, can you ever share too much? I don't think most people are in danger of doing that, but I suppose you can burden people by telling them more than they need to know. It is very important to have boundaries. Thought provoking post.
"A thread being held by the One who would sew us back together." Beautiful, Christy. So thankful for your grace and willingness to share.
So much TRUE here... I touched on the lies of having to let everyone see all in the name of being vulnerable as well! Boundaries are our friends! Some people have to earn the right to hear our WHOLE story! Loved this!
YES - what a tricky boundary to figure out. Genuine authenticity without sharing EVERYthing. I feel ya, girl. I'm interested to read the rest of this story.... :) (Hopped over from our FB writers' group.)
Oh how I get this. And I look forward to what comes next because this really spoke to me. So many times I want to let it all out, but there does need to be boundaries. Blessings to you.
Oh my gosh, yes! Boundaries are so important for so many reasons. (((hugs)))
Again, thank you for taking time to leave me a comment! Your words encourage me so much.
Christy
I hear ya! I feel it's necessary to be authentic when God leads us to use that authenticity to help or encourage others but sometimes I feel that being too authentic too often with past mistakes, struggles etc gives way for those things to define me and can take away from the reality that in the end I am a child of God's, and that's what defines me. Thank you for this!
My husband and I JUST had a conversation about this. I'm anxious to read more from you on this subject as I am questioning it too. If I've erred, I've erred on the side of caution. I tell the story of my struggle on my blog and elsewhere in general terms, focusing more on how I found my way out. I agree with Ashley about following God's leading. That's always a safe place. Thanks for opening up a very interesting topic. I really appreciate your unique FMF contribution on this particular prompt.
I think that can be a really tricky spot. There are parts of myself that I've held back from most because I worry that they'll no longer like me. But at the same time, maybe I should let them out. Whatever you do, be true to yourself. That will always win.
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