"Do you consider yourself?" she asked.
I stared back at her.
"During the day, how often do you consider yourself?" I guess she thought adding a few more words would help me.
I racked my summer-fried brain. What did that even mean?
I keep myself pretty busy. Even when the kids are in school, my days are filled. I have work to do. But then she asked me this question and I felt sort of embarrassed for myself. I didn't really ever stop and ask myself how I was doing. Was I supposed to?
The more I thought about it the more I wondered were my efforts to stay so busy subconsciously my way to keep it away?
Being alone is not the scary thing. It's lonely I'm afraid of.
Lonely is on the prowl. It hides behind doors and waits until you've dropped the kids off to school. It sits by a phone the never rings and an inbox filled with spam. It whispers lies into your ears that your imagination picks up and weaves stories with. Stories about how alone you are and how you aren't valuable and how you've been overlooked.
See, if I was okay with me then I wouldn't mind the prowler. I could tell it to get lost — "I'm enjoying this time with myself". If I truly knew my worth, then the lies would have no power. I would not need other people to affirm me. I wouldn't need responsibility and activities so I can feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
Considering yourself is mostly about caring about you. Yes, it's stealing away time to read a book or to watch your favorite show or doing something for yourself. But it's also taking your internal temperature and actually caring about the answer. It's not rushing through lunch because there's no one there to share it with, but slowing down and just being in the moment with yourself.
Do you consider yourself? I haven't before, but I'm going to try.
Linking today with Lisa-Jo…
WOW WOW WOW SO GOOD!
ReplyDeleteI loved this:
If I truly knew my worth, then the lies would have no power. I would not need other people to affirm me. I wouldn't need responsibility and activities so I can feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
This post reminds me of the theme of Ann Voskamp's 1,000 Gifts. Thank you for sharing your heart. Self care and internal temperature taking are so important as a mom. Our children often times mirror our own attitudes and behavior. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThe answer to you question is no I don't consider myself, but it was a question my mom only asked me yesterday and now you have asked, maybe its time to.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing that question, I feel like God just spoke straight to my heart
Traci: Thanks for visiting! I'm glad it spoke to you.
ReplyDeleteJo: Thanks for reading! You are so right, when we don't consider ourselves, what are we teaching our kids?
Rachel: Wow, so cool how God works! We can do it together!
Christy
Dear Christy
ReplyDeleteIt would really do us well to learn how to enjoy our own company. We never get away from ourselves, so we might just consider loving ourselves as well as we love others!
Blessings x
Mia
The quiet hours alone are treasures for me. I think it's a learned gift and I'm thankful.
ReplyDeleteOh this is so good, Christy. "It whispers lies into your ears that your imagination picks up and weaves stories with. Stories about how alone you are and how you aren't valuable and how you've been overlooked." Oh man, do I know that. And it's definitely not alone that is scary. As an introvert, I love alone but those lies right there, those will get you every time. I think knowing your worth is essential and that is only found in God. Alone. But then in His glorious wisdom and mercy, He also uses people to speak life into us and to tell us, YOU MATTER. You are beautiful and you belong. So yes, believe those things, because God made you just as you are.
ReplyDeleteSuch good words! If we would really take to heart our own worth as seen in our heavenly Father's eyes...then we would take the time to consider ourselves and find peace in the quiet times.
ReplyDeleteblessings,
Gay @ Captive Heart
Hi Christy - Boy, does this resonate. One time someone asked me, "But what do YOU want to do?" and I stared blankly. I hadn't thought about that - considered myself - in a long, long time. I still have to make a conscious effort, but it is a good practice to get into. I hope you've had some time to do that this week :)
ReplyDelete