I don't always like being here.
And before everyone starts to worry about my sanity I don't mean alive.
Like the space between two mountains or the dip between two waves, I'm having a valley moment. And usually when I find myself here I feel the need to scurry my way back up to the peaceful place at the top with the great view.
Because on the mountain you can look back and you can see forward and where you are sort of makes more sense.But down in the valley all I see is the long climb back to the top. It can feel so overwhelming.
Here is hard — sometimes.
But instead of trying to find my way out, I'm working to be content to just sit here for a while. Because what brought me here is probably worth looking at and not hiding from.
Here is ugly — sometimes.
Seeing things I don't really want to see — in me. There's a battle here between who I am and who I want to be. The punches are landing and I'm left feeling worn and bruised. But don't we all live with this ugly?
So I'm seeking God here. Because I don't know what else to do. I'm relying too much on everything but Him. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to see.
The more I don't like being here, the more I think I should stay. And work it out and see it through.
Here I am, Lord. Will you come and be with me in the valley? And lead me to higher ground — when I'm ready?
Linking today with Lisa-Jo…
Yes, been in that valley,
ReplyDeletethough I walk through the valley... I will fear no evil:
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff
they comfort me.
Ugly but not alone.
the valley is good -
Thank you for being so honest...It's true. Sometimes we don't want to deal with where we are because it's too difficult to bear. At least that's true for me. Praying for God's strength through this rough patch. <3
ReplyDeletethat's all He wants us to say! "Here I am Lord, save me!"
ReplyDeletei love this, Christy. i am too often eager to rush away from the "here" rather than resting in it. waiting. it's just not comfortable! but i think He has a purpose.
ReplyDeletepraying for your settling into it, for your seeing Him in it all. thanks for sharing your heart. it's beautiful :-)
blessings,
Steph
Leslie: Ugly but not alone! Thank you for that and your kind encouragement!
ReplyDeleteAshley: Thanks for your prayers! I'm glad to know others can identify.
Susanna: Thank you for writing and visiting me today!
Steph: I appreciate your prayers very much! Sometimes I think he needs to super glue me here because I'm so bad at waiting in this place.
here is hard... here is ugly... and here is very, very real.
ReplyDeletethank you for a very, very real post.
may God give you a glimpse of your next mountaintop to help you climb that hill, one step at a time.
It sounds like you've already have that climb beat.
ReplyDeleteWe've all had those valley moments, but I don't know that we've all had your courage. Thanks for posting.
Laura Hedgecock
http://www.TreasureChestofMemories.com
http://www.Twitter.com/LauraLHedgecock
Yes the valleys are so hard sometimes but if we just keep going we will soon arrive at another mountain.
ReplyDeleteYou said a mouthful when you wrote this: " I'm relying too much on everything but Him. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to see."
ReplyDeleteI'm convinced after many years of repeated trips to the hard and ugly places, that much of what God is doing is revealing the many
aspects and many layers of our reliance on self and others for things that only He can provide. We humans love our independence
and our sense that we can do this thing called life, but God disrupts that and keeps bringing us out of the illusion that we
have even some control of it all. It's humbling, but freeing to realize that what He wants from us is utter dependence. I know it's
a life-long lesson because I'm still learning it, and probably always will be....
Richelle, Laura, and Amy: I'm so thankful for your encouraging feedback! It's helpful to know that others understand.
ReplyDeleteNancy: I'm thankful for you and your insights. I know you speak from experience. The more I realize His desire for my utter dependence the more I wonder how to do that. What does my utter dependence look like day to day? This is where I'm sitting, processing.
ReplyDeleteChristy
I promise, He will meet you here.
ReplyDeleteYour prayer is just what it should be - Meet me here, Lord. You know He will. And He will walk with you the whole way, no matter how long it takes to get out of that valley. One day you will, and you will look back with wisdom and understanding. Sending hugs and prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words you've given us. And really, a thought that I haven't thought about--staying in the valley. I always want to claw my way out. But to stay and see -- that's faith!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Denise! I am waiting.
ReplyDeleteCourtney & Pamela: Thank you, ladies, for your kindness. I appreciate you both!
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