When You're Feeling Disconnected, Pt 1

"The grass isn't greener on your friend's property; it's greener where you water it."

Mary DeMuth, "Everything"

Have you been watering your marriage lately?

The past few months have been a challenge for my husband and I. Emotional and financial stress, appointments, meetings, soccer games, and holiday preparations taking our family in different directions.

As our time together dwindles, so does our patience with each other. Irritable people trying to have a conversation. Sometimes it feels like we're speaking a different language. Maybe we are?

Eventually, it catches up to us. Staring at each other from opposing sides of the couch, wondering aloud…

Him: Why do I feel so disconnected? 

Me: Why do you seem so withdrawn?

Do we really need to ask? If the grass is greener where you water it, it's no wonder ours has started to turn brown.


The answer to greener grass isn't fertilizer (well, maybe some times it is). For us, there is always a correlation between our connectedness and our intentionality.

When we are intentional with our time — saving a piece of our busy schedule to spend together — we both feel closer.

Why is feeling close so important in marriage?

Marriage is like a team sport. Winning teams are usually the ones that work well together. The quarterback of a football team cannot win the game alone. Distance makes me feel like I'm on a team of one. When I feel disconnected, we are two "teammates" scrambling for the same ball, trying to score in the same end zone.

Reconnecting when you're feeling distant isn't as hard as you might think. But it takes intention and…

To be continued…

Read part 2 here: "Make Connecting a Priority".