Battling Against Time

Time teases me. How often I think I have a lot of it, but an hour passes like a breath. The intangibility of time as seconds, minutes become a whole day passed. Go to sleep and wake up to do it all over again. Time slips away and as much as I try to hold onto it, it's gone.

Time is precious, but more often then not wasted. Daily I fight against time. I try to plan it, schedule it, use every moment of it. As if it's something to be conquered. But best laid plans fizzle as opportunities unfold and we become distracted by all life has to offer. It's as if my battle with time becomes the very thing that distracts me from what's most important. My "To Do" list pressures me to complete tasks, but without one I get "nothing" done.

How we spend our time seems so relative to what we see as priorities in life. So what does it say about my priorities when I put the daily tasks of life before spending time with God? Or that I get so caught up in accomplishing the things on my list that I treat God like a thing I have to do instead of a relationship?

My agenda for the day can be sidetracked by a phone call from a friend or an unplanned visit with a neighbor or quality time opportunities with the kids. These distractions I often welcome, even indulge in so that I can put off things I am not in the mood to do. But am I willing to take this kind of relationship-building time with God?

I must admit that I am failing in this area. I am a juggler. I almost take pride in being able to keep more then one ball up in the air at a time. I'm that person that hates making extra trips. Let's see how many grocery bags I can carry in at one time. And I'm not terribly good at being still. I feel like I should be DOING something.

I have been encouraged reading Brother Lawrence's words in "The Practice of the Presence of God". He writes:

"To be constantly aware of God's presence, it is necessary to form the habit of continually talking with Him throughout each day. To think we must abandon conversation with Him in order to deal with the world is erroneous."

So this has become my compromise with myself. A perfectionist at heart that thinks relating to God should look a certain way or it doesn't count? I would rather be in conversation with God throughout my day then to not do it at all because my posture isn't right or there are too many distractions or I don't have a big chunk of time to devote to conversation and prayer with God. This is not to say that carving out a time to be still with God isn't important and worthwhile, but it isn't the ONLY way to take time with Him. And understanding that, has been a great encouragement to me. Because God doesn't care the method I use to come to Him, He just wants me to come.