I Surrender

Dear God:

I'm sorry. I have been stubborn and feeling sorry for myself. But I realize now that you are doing a great work in Adam and in me. When times get tough, when tempers flair, it's so easy for me to want to put my foot down and say "I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore." But You are much more patient and offer so much more grace then I could ever hope to offer others. Sometimes I get lost in my own longings, that there could somehow be a person on this earth that would love me perfectly. But I know that's impossible. How easy it is for me to become disappointed by the people in my life because my desire is to be treated exactly the way I "need" to be treated all the time. After all I've been through I'm frustrated that I am still expecting that. How do I forget that You are ALL I need? I can depend on You and You will provide me with all I need. And then there's the enduring through the tough times part. Once I can get over my stubborness and self-pity, I remember that it is through the struggles, through the rough patches that change happens. I accept that sometimes, when you are working in another's life, I may receive some collateral damage. I need Your strength to be patient and loving during those times, even when I'm not really feeling like it. The song "God is good, all the time" is running through my head. If I just believed that, deep down in my soul, I would trust You even in the most annoying, frustrating, valley times. When I'm feeling hopeless and frustrated because I can't seem to help someone I care about see the truth, You remind me that it's not within my power, but in Yours. I surrender! Take him, mold him! I actually want peace and healing more for him then for myself. I want him to experience the forgiveness You and I have already extended to him. I want him to believe, that like You, I am for him and not against him. I want him to have peace so bad it hurts. And I know where You lead us (especially through the valleys) is the way to that peace and healing. I'm sorry! You can carry this burden because I don't want it anymore. I just want to be who You want me to be, who You ask me to be. And You know me...I'll think I can do it perfectly, even though I know I can't. Just remind me, Lord, that You love me whether I achieve "the goal" or not and You forgive me when I mess it all up.

YOU ARE ALL I NEED WHEN I'M SURROUNDED.
YOU ARE ALL I NEED WHEN I'M BY MYSELF.
YOU FILL ME WHEN I'M EMPTY.
THERE IS NOTHING ELSE,
YOU'RE ALL I NEED.

YOU'RE STILL THE GOD THAT OPENS SEAS
EVERY FLOWER, EVEN ME
YOU'RE ALL I NEED.
"All I Need" by Bethany Dillon